Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Two more things

In my last post, I was telling y'all how God has been teaching me a lot of things lately. Well, here are TWO more things I've been learning from God. (More like three, but two are wrapped up in the first point here.)

  1. Burdens. A couple weeks ago, I told this annoying guy at my church how I really feel about him: he disgusts me. But apparently, he didn't take it to heart. He's still a jerk, he still flirts with me and every girl, still makes inappropriate jokes, and still insults people on a regular basis. I got the lecture from my mom and sister in-law about words. I mean, I know how powerful words are, but I mean seriously. It's not like I yelled at him. But I took what my mom and sister in-law said to heart. And since then I've been trying to think before I speak, especially around him. My point here is, this guy is a burden in my life. So are many other people, like Obama, "Christians", and just idiotic people. (Idiotic people to me are people who support Obama and Hillary Clinton. You know what I mean.) Lately, the argument about the Starbucks holiday cup has gotten Christians angry and offended. Just because the cup is red and "not Christmas-y enough." Seriously.? Christians are supposed to be loving and filled with Christ. Those outspoken Christians are ruining Christ's and His followers' reputation. They fight for a cause more than they fight for a person. They are self-righteous. That is not what Christians are supposed to be like! We are supposed to put Christ first, not a cause -- no matter how honorable the cause may be. The fuss they put up is not honoring to God. And those kinds of people are my burden. My burden is to love them, to be Christ-like to them, and not to get offended by their offense. And in order for that to happen, I need to be open to what God is teaching me.
  2. Loving others. Yes, I kind of covered that point already, but this is a little different. Lately, my best friend B has been going through a rough time. And I've always been here for her, and she's always done the same for me too. And I tell her this every time we speak. But I don't know if I've truly been a good friend for her lately. I tell her how much I love her, how I'll never leave her side, how God will never leave her, then a couple minutes later I'll post something and tag her in it. Something that relates to us. Telling her how much I love her. And this is kinda a confusing topic: what should I say? Yes, I should tell her something funny to lift her spirits, and tell her how much I love her, but I can over-do it, especially now. I know you can never over-do telling someone how much you love them, but is there a limit? Does that make sense? Like, I'll tell her how much I love her, but then a minute later, I'll tell her how great she is a friend for me. Like I'm selfish type of thing. Love isn't selfish. I do truly love her, but I shouldn't tell her how much she is great friend, comparing her to others. That's selfish and wrong. So I shouldn't be selfish, but I also let up on telling her how much I love her.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

So many things

Sorry I haven't written in a while. God's been teaching me a lot lately. Like a lot.

  1. So, last month we had revival services at my church. That week, God taught me a lot about prayer: that we should pray for His glory, that we should pray for His Name to be glorified, that His kingdom be spread, that His Will be done. Lots about prayer. Sometimes I feel like I can't pray. Like I want to, but I'm not able to. As if, a mute button was pressed on my praying. And I didn't know why. But God revealed to me that I had sin in my life that wasn't taken care of. Sin keeps us from doing what God wants us to, like praying and spreading the Gospel. And now, as I do my devotions, I still want to pray, but I don't. And that's my sin: knowing I should, but still not doing it. God has revealed a lot about prayer.
  2. God has been showing me about myself too. Who I should be and what should be doing. 
  3. You all know I have a past that I'm not proud of. Well, a lot lately, I have been struggling with something related to it. And this giant in my life I can't seem to get rid of. And then God convicts me of it, and then I confess it and "repent" it. And then I'm good for a few weeks. Then it tempts me, and I give in again. And the cycle continues. (The temptation comes when I'm busy doing something, like school or devotions, so it distracts me.) But last Wednesday, I did it again. And I ended on my bedroom floor, in fetal position, bawling my eyes out. I was so convicted. Since then I have been tempted, but I haven't given in because I start reciting verses to myself and singing hymns. And I begin to think, Why didn't I do this in the beginning?! Since I repented, my prayer life has been better. I can't explain it. It's like God has awakened me again. And it's amazing. Yes, I don't pray as often as I should, but I pray more often than when I was in that sin. And God has been changing my life. Usually I don't like talking to people about this, cuz then I start to think about it and I fall back, but I've found lately that talking about it makes it easier to deal with cuz I know people will pray for me and also relate to me. And it's amazing what God is doing!
  4. I have been feeling God's call for me to be a missionary. I mean, I felt that God called me in February, but lately there have been missionaries visiting my church and I feel the call beckoning me more and more. So I've been looking for opportunities to go somewhere, like missions trips and working at camps. And next year, I have an opportunity to work at a camp in northern Wisconsin. But my parents are still thinking about it, cuz the camp is 9 hours north of us. So we really have to think and pray about it.
Well, four things may not be a lot, but it's a lot for me! And they're big things in my life that are going to change me! And it's been hurting a little cuz of things that going to be change and nobody likes change; but it's still so amazing!!!!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Words

Tonight I truly learned the power of words. I knew how much words can hurt because I've been on the receiving end of both encouraging and hurtful words. I've also been on the giving end. Encouraging words I've given, and some hurtful I've given. But I guess I never learned my lesson. I mean, all those hurtful things I said were to my sister and we've made up. But tonight I quite possibly might have lost one of the best friends I've ever had. All because I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut.
The Bible has several verses about the tongue. The tongue can be used for:

  • Hurt
         -Psalms 52:2; 64:3,8; 78:36
         -James 3
  • Worship
         -Psalms 71:24; 119:172
         -Philippians 2:11
         -1 Corinthians 14
  • Encouragement
         -Proverbs 10:31; 12:18; 15:2; 17:9
         -Ephesians 4:29
         -1 Corinthians 14
         -James 3
  • Love
         -Proverbs 17:9
         -James 1:26
         -James 3

The tongue is very powerful. James 3 explains several things about the tongue. And it's very impacting and really makes you think. Does what I say really effect people in that way? Is my mouth under control?
Well I can tell you this much: mine definitely isn't.
I have an attitude, and that effects how I talk and how I act. But thankfully, God told us that there is hope for our mouths. It can only be controlled by Him. If we let Him do His thing in our lives, then our words will change. And they will be encouraging, and not breaking down. And I looked up Bible verses full of wisdom about restraint. 
Proverbs is full of verses about the tongue: how powerful it is, what it can do, and its effects. And I brought some with me:
  • Proverbs 10:19; 15:1; 17:28; 18:21
These verses are about restraint. How powerful restraint can be too. Words are powerful, but so is silence. 

Think about your words. Are they what God wants them to be, or do they break people down?

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Impossible

So when I take showers, I like to listen to music. And today, as I was listening to my iHeart Radio Britt Nicole station, Kutless' song "What Faith Can Do." And it usually plays a lot. But today I actually listened to it. And I listened to it because I've been worried, and afraid lately because that friend that I mentioned in "Life Happened" is coming up this weekend and she has to give back some stuff of mine that I lent her a couple years back.
In the second verse, it says, "It doesn't matter what you've heard, impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try..." That is so true. There are only two impossibilities in the entire universe:

  •  God cannot ever sin. For Him to sin is an impossibility. 
  •  Someone cannot ever lose their salvation. If they were to lose their salvation, it would mean that God broke His promise, which would mean that He would sin! Which stated above, is an impossibility.
And the Bible clearly states several times, "For with God nothing shall be impossible." 
And faith is asking God to do something great. So many things in the Bible happened because the people in involved had faith. You can turn just about anywhere in the Bible and find a story in which people had faith. One story that immediately comes to mind is found in Joshua 10, when Joshua and the Israelites are fighting the Amorites. This story might not be familiar to you so I'll tell it. 
Joshua had just defeated the city of Ai and another city called Gibeon had surrendered. And five kings heard of it. They wanted Gibeon back. So they made an alliance, and fought with Joshua. God told Joshua not to fear. And the army ran away from Joshua. But they kept fighting and Joshua asked God in verse 12 to make the sun and moon stand still. So God made the sun and moon stand still for a whole day. And Joshua won the battle.
So... faith. There are so many stories in the Bible. Abraham and Sarah; Abraham and Isaac; and so many other stories. In Hebrews 11, known as the Hall of Faith, you can find many of the famous ones. But there are so many more. 
Faith is very powerful. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." It's a very good reason why Christianity has lasted so long, despite all the persecutions and politics and making it illegal in many countries. People have faith to go to those countries, willing to be persecuted and tortured. But they know and believe that through all their persecutions, Christ will be glorified and souls will be saved. Faith is very powerful.
So if faith is so powerful, why don't we ever have it and use it? Sometimes life can be a real pain, and we think that it's all over, but it's not. God keeps us alive when we're facing troubling times because He knows that we can be used for His glory and that we can make it through. It just takes belief.
Much like Job. God let Satan send trials into his life, and Job made it through. Why? Because he believed that God was still good and that there was a reason for his suffering. 
And sometimes, people give up and commit suicide. And God doesn't want that. I bet that when people do that, He asks them, "Why didn't you have faith in me? I could've brought you through if you had just had faith and let me do my work." 
For the longest time, I didn't have faith in God. I kept asking Him, "Why?!" It wasn't for years that I began to have faith, that I began to trust Him. And now, as life happens, I'm beginning to trust Him more and more. 

There are so many examples in the Bible. Go look them up and read them. God put them in the Bible for a reason. You have a purpose. Don't lose faith in God just because life gets you down.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Responding to God

Lately, God has been revealing a lot to me about myself. And there are things that are just shocking. Like it's as if I didn't ever know they were there. Since life happened, I've been seeking God more. As I seek more and more, more things I'm convicted of. Like, obsessions. Like, Once Upon A Time, Taylor Swift, TV (in general), and just different things. Every day, when I've remembered to pray, I've just been begging God to remove my distractions from me. I know they are there, but they just don't go away. That means I have to do something about it.
For the past month, I've been reading Refresh Your Heart by Claudia Barba. It's the second time reading it. I last read it 3 years ago. Since then I've fallen away from God, and I've had to renew my relationship with Him. Refresh Your Heart is an excellent book; but I'm not here to review this book. It's been a useful tool in revealing some things in my life that HAVE to go. Last time I read this, I don't think I took notes; but this time I am. In my prayer journal, so that when I write things in it, I'll see what I wrote from this book and pray. I haven't been reading it "regularly". I read it whenever I remember. And sometimes that's every week or two. But I haven't forgotten what I've learned because I've written them down in a notebook.
Anyway, my point is, when God is convicting you of something, respond gracefully and repent. Repent doesn't mean crying or just being really sorry, the word repent means "a change of mind." Repent of your sins -- change your mind about your sins.
But of the things that God has been convicting me of are these: praying, forgiving, and speaking kind words.
You know, I knew I wasn't praying much. And it was because I didn't know how to pray, that I pray the same thing every time. I would pray for the same people, for their problems, for the same things. I would pray for my problems, the same things. I would confess my sins. And I still pray the same things, but it's different somehow. I still don't know how to pray, but I still do it, cuz it's what God wants. And it's different because I'm trying.
And I also thought I was the most forgiving person, besides Jesus, in the world. But I'm not. But when I read the chapter about a forgiving heart in Refresh Your Heart, I realized there were many people who had wronged me. Maybe not directly, but still. Politicians, for example. They are ruining our country by giving other people rights, thus taking away Christians rights. And slowly taking away freedom of speech. Then when June 26 happened, I got really angry. And forever I was not forgiving and loving as I should have been.
Then today, I was reading the chapter about having a heart that spoke kind words. God really convicted me in this chapter. Cuz I spoke unkind words to my sister, mom, and about politicians and people who I didn't like. But I spoke nicely to my best friends. I was a fountain producing both bad and good water. I was bitter and sweet. Which is wrong. My heart is full of sin. My mouth was full of poison and spitting it on people who didn't treat me right. One of the verses that really got to me, one I had memorized years ago in help with my devotions, was Psalm 19:14.

Psalm 19:14 - "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer."

Respond to God and repent. Otherwise, you'll live a miserable life just I did.

Monday, June 15, 2015

God's Love

So I like to listen to music in the shower. And today, Group 1 Crew's "His Kind of Love" came on on iHeart Radio. And I instantly started crying! I was reminded of God's love for me!
As a person who has a past that I'm not proud of, I'm am in awe of how God could love me the way He does! Every time I am reminded of His love for me, I just cry. I can't comprehend it. No one can. No one ever will. No one can ever do God's love justice!! 
And that's just perfect!! God is perfect. God is love. No one can fully comprehend God. So no one can fully comprehend love. Love is perfect. I will never get over God's love.
No song can perfectly describe His love for us. No person. Nothing. It's okay to be in awe - to not understand. I mean, I can barely get an A (much less a B) in physics because I don't understand it. And God created physics, so how can I possibly understand God? 
God has His plans, all of which will come to pass, His reasons. It's okay to not understand it. Just know and believe that they are for the best. 

I know this post was short, but how can I under-estimate God's love any more?! 

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Life Happened

Well, a lot has happened in the last month. Life happened. I had to say goodbye to a very dear person in my life. Well, possible goodbye. More like, very likely goodbye.
No someone did not die - one of my best friends just broke up with me about a week and a half ago.
But I still love her. I don't want to say anything bad about her, cuz "love doesn't behave herself unseemly... thinks no evil." I won't even say what happened specifically. Just know that since then, I've been seeking God more.
I went to PA/NJ this past week, to get my mind off my problems. And it worked. I've been growing closer to my Lord. Not because my problems are gone, they are still there, but because I have not been putting my focus on my problems, and instead putting my focus on God. It's been amazing. Sometimes you don't realize how far away from God you've been until a best friend leaves you.
I haven't been depressed. I've been joyful. I've been smiling more. I'm focusing on my Lord. It's amazing. I don't think I've ever been this close to Him before.

I think people are depressed because they put too much focus on their issues, instead seeking help from God. Now, non-believers can't really get help from God until they get saved. Which is getting the ultimate Help. They don't need prescribed anti-depressants. They need God. And to stop focusing on their problems.
That, I think, is a reason why people commit suicide. It's very heartbreaking - hearing someone killed themselves. Cuz they focus too much on their surroundings and not focusing on what's important. Their circumstances won't last forever, unless they go to hell. They can choose what attitude they have. If they would only choose life, happiness, Jesus.

I'm trying to help that.

Just recently, I've been raised to the consequences of bullying. I mean, I never liked it, but I haven't wanted to do something about it just a few weeks ago. What I'm planning to do is raise awareness in public schools. Like get petitions for the schools to actually do something in their schools. And raise money for the families of the people who have been bullied or who have committed suicide. And also praying that people would do something about this situation. Would you join me?

Will you join me in raising awareness everywhere about the consequences of bullying?

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Temporary Home

As y'all know, I've been posting about loving others and loving God and having faith lately. Well today, I'm gonna be sort of combining the two.
One of the most inspirational songs I listen to is "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood. This song is just so true for Christians. Yet I love it for more than the chorus: this is my temporary home, it's not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I'm passing through. This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going, I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home. There's so much meaning in that song! In just that chorus!! :')  It makes me cry because I'm looking forward to my home beyond the skies: my eternal home with God.
But it also brings a thought into mind: if this earth is temporary, then my life is temporary and I don't know when I'm going home. On Sunday morning in Sunday school, my youth pastor talked about death: about how we don't know when we'll die. Shouldn't that make us think about what we're doing with our lives? Shouldn't that make us want to live for Christ and love others more? Not just because Christ wants us to, but because we don't have any time to waste?
People say, "It's my time to waste." NO. IT. ISN'T.
Since is in control of everything, why He be in control of time too? He made the sun freeze when Joshua fought the Amorites. (Joshua 10:12-14) So, He's essentially in control of when you die. But He keeps giving us chances to live for him. He gives us things to steward. Don't know what that means? It means that God gives us things to take care of wisely. We have a choice about how we take care of things. We have a choice about how we take care of our time here on earth. Should we spend it carelessly, YOLO? Or should we live it wisely?
We should take the moments we have, use them to God's glory. We should take advantage of each moment that God gives us. He loves us. How would you feel if someone you love treated something you gave them carelessly? Sad right? Disappointed?
So... how does the opening line apply to all this? "I mean, I might get the love things, but faith?"
Why not love with our time? Yes. We can spend time with people who need someone. Use your the time you have to love someone.
Faith? Have faith? In time? Yes. We trust God with the time He gives. Since we don't know when we'll die, we should live as He would want us to. And that requires faith. Faith is a daily thing we have. We have faith that a chair can hold us up. We have faith that the earth won't shatter beneath our feet. We have faith that our feet won't fail.
So how should we live? 1 Corinthians 10:31 -- "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." That's how we should live.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Decisions

I really don't know what to title this post today. So many things happened just made me want to give up.
So for starters, Lena was annoying me. Like all big sisters do. But twice I threatened to flip a finger at her. I'm sorry!!! I apologize to all of you!! I am very secular and I know it's not right. I'm trying to fix that as of today. I'll talk more later.
Then when we got home (cuz I had music lessons today), I had an argument with my mom. I cried like no one's business. I explained to my best friend that I just couldn't handle all the responsibility my mom put on me now that Lena is working. I have all these chores, and I'm thinking a lot, and struggling. It's exhausting right now. And as was talking to my best friend, I realized I was a hypocrite. I was lying to y'all!!!! I'd tell y'all that I love everyone no matter what, but that just wasn't true for me then. I seriously thought I didn't love my family, because I did not love them the way the Bible says I should (1 Corinthians 13).
I just wanted to give up. On everything. I was depressed. I wasn't right with God, I had hate in my heart and it was starting to show. I had been begging God to remove hate and anger and replace it with love and patience, but I was still having trouble acting out in love and having patience. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I almost gave up completely. My life fell apart, but came back together in one day.
But my best friend, what a great friend!, encouraged me. She told me I was just human, that I couldn't have perfect love, only God could, and she helped me figure out that it was my music choices!
I have been listening to secular music for several weeks (more like months), and it was starting to influence my thinking and behavior. Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Meghan Trainor, etc. So I decided two things today:
1. I would delete all secular music, unless it left positive thoughts in my head. Lots of songs I listened to did that. But I kept songs that left virtues in my head. Forgiveness, sentimentality, love.
2. I wouldn't ever give up. I've been thinking about stopping piano lessons because my teacher isn't the kind of teacher I preferred and I didn't feel like he was challenging me. But I'm not gonna give up just because of those reasons. I wouldn't give up on my life, my walk with Christ, or anything for that matter. Unless it didn't glorify God.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

He Knows My Name

In this post, I'm going to go more into depth of my theme song, He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli. More like the bridge: "He calls me chosen, freed, forgiven, wanted, child of the King, His forever, held, and treasured."
So here's my in-depth perspective of this song
Chosen -- God knew ahead of time that I would be His, that I would make mistakes and sin, but He loves me and will always love me. He chooses to not look at my sin, to love me as I am, and He chose to die for me. I have chosen to follow Him and have accepted Him as my Savior. And he chose you when he died on the cross.
Freed -- When we choose to accept Christ as our Savior, he frees us from guilt, shame, sin, and Satan's power. Now I admit I don't always behave like I'm freed. Especially from my past. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a slave to that sin, that it controls me. I only let it control me. But I don't have to let it, because Christ defeated that sin along with every other sin when he died on that cross two thousand years ago. He freed me, it's about time I behave like it. Do you have trouble behaving like a Christian? Freed from sin and shame?
Forgiven -- Ah yes. Forgiven. I am. He forgave ALL of my sins before I was even born, because he died two thousand years before I was conceived. He forgave me long ago. But it's not His forgiveness I struggle with. It's my own. Daily I am reminded of what I've done, and I have a hard time forgiving myself. But on my mirror in my bedroom I put a sticky note saying,  "forgive and forget." Of course I won't be able to forget physically, but I can forget spiritually. I don't have to be reminded of my past cuz I'm the one who's reminding myself of it. A sign that I truly haven't forgiven myself. You may think, "no wonder you're reminded! You have a sticky note on your mirror that you look at every day!" Yep I am. But when I remind myself when what I've done, it's negative; when Christ reminds me of what he's done, it's positive. That's why I have that sticky note on my mirror.
Wanted -- This is a huge thing for me! I often feel unwanted or unloved by friends and family around me. But I remind myself that I am by listening to "Wanted" by Dara Maclean, He Knows My Name, "Try" by Colbie Caillat, and "Little Toy Guns" by Carrie Underwood. Those are a few of my favorite songs. I am loved. By Jesus, most importantly, my family and my friends. Jesus loves you too.
Child of the King -- The instant we choose Christ in our lives, we become his children. And a father loves his children. I just talked about being loved by God. God is my Father. The Perfect Father. Thus His Forever.
Held -- When we go through tough times, God walks us through it. He holds us. It's like that poem "Footprints in the Sand". "My dear child, I would never leave you. When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." You are never alone.
Treasured -- the Bible says in 1 Peter 2:9 that we are a "peculiar people". The word"peculiar means "unusual, uncommon". Treasure is not normal or common. So we are treasured. We are made peculiar. And also when people treasure something, they cherish it, love it. We are loved!

I'm sorry if this post and other posts kinda seem like they are about me cuz all I say is "I'm this way, I'm that way." But what I'm trying to do is getting you to know me, so that I may give you ideas on how to deal with things biblically. I'm trying to help y'all by telling you about myself, so that if you ever do have to deal with things that I do (depression, unwantedness, insecurity, pasts, etc) you'll know ahead of time, or you'll think of something else. I'm only trying to help y'all. I love you!!!  Btw I'm thinking about changing the name of the name of the blog, so I need some suggestions.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Lord, help my unbelief

Many times as Christians we pray. As we should. But do we really believe that what we pray for will happen? Praying with believing faith is really hard for me. I've been so skeptical about things. Skeptical about miracles, answered prayers, and inspirational people.
I've been so, "Ha! That person is mistaking a regular and normal thing as divine intervention!" But today I was challenged about that.
A really good friend of my church came to visit this past week. This morning he preached on faith. Believing faith. Believing in the power of prayer. Prayer is powerful, but we as Christians limit its power when we don't believe. If we don't believe, then it won't happen.
Do we really believe? Whenever I pray and ask God to remove my depression, I expect it to come back again. And it has, and then it consumes me. But I have to believe. I believe that it will come back no matter if God takes it away or not. Then I limit God. I may learn from depression, but that doesn't mean it has to take over my life. The moment I believe that it will come back, it does. But if I just believe that it won't come back, maybe it won't.
Our beliefs affect our attitudes and behaviors. If we believe that depression won't come back, then we'll behave like that. And our behavior will affect other people positively. And making other people happy should make us truly happy too. See what simple belief can do?
That doesn't mean it's easy. It's hard to believe. But we just have to. All we had to do at salvation was believe. Why can't we apply that to prayer?
Maybe we don't pray for belief. Maybe we should pray for our unbelief. For God to take away our unbelief, thus giving us belief. We can't just say, "I believe." We have to mean it. Sometimes I wonder if I truly believe. I mean, I have all the head knowledge because I grew up in a Christian home, and I believed. But I didn't accept Jesus as my Savior until I was 11. I have the head knowledge that prayer truly works and I believe that it works, but can I truly accept it now just like I did all those years ago?
Just believe. I'm telling myself this, as well as y'all.
Lord, help my unbelief. Take away my doubts and depression and give me joy for the trials. Take away the unbelief and give me the hope and faith of a true Christian.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Loving others

Just today, I posted on my social network how annoying Taylor Swift is. But how I love listening to Blank Space and Shake It Off. To me Taylor Swift is just so annoying!
But also today God convicted me of something. I wasn't loving others like I should be. Many celebrities are just so annoying, and I judge them. And lately God has been showing me by some sermons from my pastor, songs on Pandora about how we Christians should love others because words are just words without actions. Actions speak louder than words.
In the Bible, Jesus says that the second greatest commandment is to love others as you love yourself. He also says that the way we treat others is the way we treat Him. We can say all we want that we love God. But do we really? We judge others and hate them, and then we say we love God and love everybody. Do. We. Really?
I should love everybody for who they are. Everybody. Including celebrities and bullies. It is our job as Christians to love. God created us to give Him glory, and what better way than to love everybody. I mean, that's what Jesus's life was about. It's what Jesus was doing on this earth; lots of people hated him, and some loved him, and he loved even those who hated him. We should strive to be like Christ, then we should love everybody even the most annoying people in the world.
I love my sister Lena so much, but at times she can be SO ANNOYING!! At those times I just feel like hating her, but I can't because I love her too much. If we start a relationship with love and not hate, when that person does annoy us, we can't help loving them more.
It's so easy to hate people. It's so hard to love people. The Christian life isn't supposed to be easy. God knew that.

God tells us to love even the most annoying and unlovable people in the world. We don't have to agree with everything they say or do, but we do have to love them despite what they do and say.

I've made my choice, and it won't be easy. Do you want the easy route, or the opposite and love others? Make your decision.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Childlike Faith

Faith. Wow. It's so easy to say, but even harder to live out. Don't you think? Last night at church was testimony night. One of the older men, he teaches a Bible study, was saying that he wanted his faith to be more childlike. At first I was like "Wait. That doesn't sound right." But then I thought about what Jesus said, "if you have faith like this child..." and I was like "oh yeah". He then said all the Bible knowledge doesn't get us closer to God. When we have all this information about Him, it messes up our thoughts. We begin to fit God into this box and understand him limitedly. And I realized, maybe that's why I'm feeling so far away from God right now. I've been limiting him to this box, and when I pray I haven't been asking for what I would like. Like I only pray for the big things. That God doesn't care about the little things in life, he's too big for that. But, he doesn't do only the big things, He does little things.
I had been fitting him into this limiting box. And I'd been falling away from God for a long time. I hadn't been realizing it either. I didn't realize it until last night. But I told God that I knew I was wrong to do that. I confessed my sins, and repented. I'd been feeling apart from God, and I'd been trying to get closer. But I realized, I don't have to try so hard. I just have to do it, and get right with God. Let go of the sin that's holding you back. Run to Jesus and trust him.
Childlike faith is trusting God like a child trusts his parents. Trusting him no matter what comes ahead. To lay down the distractions of life even though it may seem like you can't live without it. Like Pinterest or Facebook or a certain TV show our Twitter or whatever it may be. If you ever feel like you're falling back search your life to see if there are any distractions in your life influencing you. And let them go.
Just LET IT GO, LET IT GO, CAN'T HOLD ON ANYMORE, LET IT GO, LET IT GO THROW AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR, I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY. LET GOD'S PLAN TAKE WING, HIS PLAN NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY.

Friday, February 27, 2015

My Theme Song

So I have a theme song. Yep. It's been mine for a while. And I'm sure for others too. It's a great song.
Can you guess what it is?
Yes, He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli.
As y'all know, I'm pretty ashamed of my past. And I can sometimes feel depressed because of it. But as you also know, I'm trying to let go of that depression and accept my past and go on. Lately, I've been thinking about it. Every time I think about it, I don't feel the guilt and shame that I used to. There is so much going around Pinterest in my feed about acceptance of the past, going on, God's love, so on and so forth. I've been crying every time I see it, not because I feel guilty but because I know it's true and that I accept God's love for me despite what I've done. I've been listening to my song by Francesca Battistelli and Suitcases by Dara Maclean and other songs about God's love. When celebrities say that they love you, like what Bethany Mota tells you in every video, I feel loved. They love me even when they don't know me. That's just so amazing to me!! But I have the best friends in the world too. They know what I've done, and they still stick around through thick and thin. And God is sticking around too, even though he knows what I've done.
That's why I love this song so much. It confirms and shouts God's love for me. That I don't have to hold onto this shame and guilt anymore.
You can find the words anywhere online. Just Google it!!!:)
It was when I first heard this song, that I finally started accepting my past. And I'm well on my way.

Btw, in future posts, I will be mentioning a lot of my past. My past has a lot to do with my personality nowadays, how I think, how I behave, my emotions, etc. They will deal mainly with what God thinks of us all. And how I should defeat the monsters of insecurity, how to accept things, depression, and so on.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

God's Grace

In my life, I've known God's grace all too well. I've said goodbye but also hello. Those hello's I've said have been God's grace to me. He knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the goodbye's I've said. He has given so much to me.
One thing I am especially thankful for is His forgiveness. I've done things in my life that I'm ashamed of. But you know, God forgave me. And I don't see how He could.
My favorite songs to listen to are love songs and songs about second chances and forgiveness. Love songs because I've had doubts that no man would ever love me, and when I do find a man who will love me despite what I've done, he's the one. I've had so many second chances in my life, I can't count.
Grace means getting something you don't deserve. Examples of grace: forgiveness, life, salvation, etc. Anything you don't deserve.
You have also known God's grace too. You may think that life just couldn't get any worse. You may think where is God's grace in your life. I can tell you, it's right there in front of you! You may not be having a great life, but you have one!!! You are still getting something you don't deserve! I don't deserve life; nobody does! If you've been saved by the grace of God, you have God's grace in your life. Even the unsaved know God's grace because He loves them. Love is supposed to be unconditional. But nowadays it isn't. True love comes from God. And when He gives it, he gives grace to go with it.

So celebrate God's grace and love! Don't show it off saying that you're better than anyone else. That isn't what God saved us for. We should show love no matter what is going on. That's what being a Christian is about.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Hearing God's Call

So this weekend I went to a Public Christian Retreat at a camp about an hour from my church. And first you need to hear a back story.
For the past year or so I've made the blue prints for my life. First, I finish high school, then go to college and meet my future husband there and get a degree in elementary education. Then teach for a while. And raise a couple of munchkins and retire later on. I had it all planned out. But this weekend changed everything.
For the past couple years, when missionaries have come to visit my church, I thought to myself, "I couldn't do what they do. I have my life planned out, I don't have time for this. But it would be cool to go on a missions trip just for fun." But I felt God tugging on my heart, saying "This is what I want you to do." But I said no. I was afraid, I didn't want to surrender my time and life to God for full-time service. I already had a busy life, I couldn't possibly do it.
I've thought that and told myself those lies for years. But no more! This weekend was about how to give people the Gospel. How to be witness. And in the last session of the day, I felt God urge me. I felt a literal tugging on my heart. It was gentle, but it was there. There enough to know that this was what God wanted me to do. He was calling me.
For so long, I had been ignoring God's call me to be missionary. But on Sunday night (I made the decision on Monday afternoon), a missionary to Grenada came to visit. And that's where I felt God begin to call again. And I really wanted to do it this time. I wanted to go on a missions trip. Every time that a missionary to a third-world country came to visit, I felt a little bit of God's call. Those people just bless my heart. So when I saw the slideshow of Grenada, I just started to cry. I want to go so bad!

The point of this post is this: if God is calling you to do something, do it. It may be that He wants you to be missionary or doctor or teacher. I still feel like God wants me to be a teacher, but I can do that as a missionary. You will reap more blessings if you do what God is asking you to do. He commands us all to be a missionary (Matthew 28:19), but we don't have to go to a different country to do that. He just tells us to spread the Gospel. Whether it be through teaching, doctoring, or singing. Whatever God wants you to do, do it. Don't do it because I told you or your pastor told you or all your friends are wanting to be missionaries: do it because God wants you to do it.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Learn to Love

Hey! Lately, I have been learning to love others. Last week I talked to my older sister because I was feeling depressed and alone and unloved by almost everyone around me. Including my parents. But I learned that they truly do love me, but they don't know how to show it to me in a way that would make me feel loved. I'm a very feeling-oriented person. If I don't feel loved, then I think to myself, "I must not be loved." Which is not true. And after that day, I learned to love others in ways that I knew how to show loved.
Have you ever heard of a love language? Well, I haven't until recently. Well basically it's our language in which we understand love. My sister put it this way: a family. This family speaks German. They understand each other. Then there's a family in which the mother speaks Chinese, the father speaks Japanese, and the children speak German. The parents speak similar languages, so they can somewhat understand each other but not completely, but the children don't understand the parents and vice versa. Do you get it?
I learned that when I show love to others, I feel loved in return. I can't explain it. But in my prayer journal, I wrote this about what I learned that day I talked to my sister: (btw, I was crying when I wrote this)
I have let go of my depression. I have "Let It Go". I asked God to help me release it, and not have a hold on it as it had a hold on me.
I have learned how to love. I learned that when I don't feel loved, I should give love. I have chosen to love all, and how to love. I didn't know how to before. Now I do.
I have learned that I am loved. No matter unloved I feel, I am loved. And people around me don't know to make me feel loved. And I'm okay.
I have learned that I don't want moments with God to end. Ever. I don't ever want to fell like I've lost that connection (and I do alot).
I have learned about myself. And others. I've learned that when I give love, I feel loved, even it's not from the people I give love to.
I have learned a lot. About love, life, loneliness, and contentment. I will never forget the hour of listening to, praying with, and reading the Bible from [my sister]. God made us sisters because He knew that I wouldn't be able to handle [her] being just a best friend...
And I continue about great my sister is. How she is one of my best friends, and how she is filled with the Spirit of God, and how I want to be like her.

When you don't feel loved, just look to God. OH! And here are the five love languages: gifts, acts of service, words, quality time, and touch. These are the languages that you can understand, that you feel loved when fulfilled. And God presents each one to us.
Gift: eternal life. There is no greater gift from God than His free gift of life.
Acts of service: dying on the cross! There is no better act of His love than His death and resurrection!
Words: the Bible. He wrote an entire Book for us to read! They are His words!
Quality time: when we spend time with Him, whether reading His Word or praying or worshiping. We spend time with Him when we pray, worship, and read His Word.
Touch: He may not touch us physically, but sometimes when we feel really in a moment with God, we can feel His presence next to us. I felt it when I was talking with my sister. And He sends people into our lives that just show Jesus in their lives. As if you can see Him when you see that person, and then that person touches you, whether shaking hands or hugging or patting on the shoulder. That is how God shows His love for us!!!
You don't have feel loved. Just KNOW that you are! By me, my God, and even people who you might think who don't. If you feel depressed or angry or alone, YOU. ARE. LOVED!!!!

So I would like to dedicate this post to my sister. She showed me what love is, how to show it and give it, and that I don't have to feel loved to know and believe that I am.