Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Hearing God's Call

So this weekend I went to a Public Christian Retreat at a camp about an hour from my church. And first you need to hear a back story.
For the past year or so I've made the blue prints for my life. First, I finish high school, then go to college and meet my future husband there and get a degree in elementary education. Then teach for a while. And raise a couple of munchkins and retire later on. I had it all planned out. But this weekend changed everything.
For the past couple years, when missionaries have come to visit my church, I thought to myself, "I couldn't do what they do. I have my life planned out, I don't have time for this. But it would be cool to go on a missions trip just for fun." But I felt God tugging on my heart, saying "This is what I want you to do." But I said no. I was afraid, I didn't want to surrender my time and life to God for full-time service. I already had a busy life, I couldn't possibly do it.
I've thought that and told myself those lies for years. But no more! This weekend was about how to give people the Gospel. How to be witness. And in the last session of the day, I felt God urge me. I felt a literal tugging on my heart. It was gentle, but it was there. There enough to know that this was what God wanted me to do. He was calling me.
For so long, I had been ignoring God's call me to be missionary. But on Sunday night (I made the decision on Monday afternoon), a missionary to Grenada came to visit. And that's where I felt God begin to call again. And I really wanted to do it this time. I wanted to go on a missions trip. Every time that a missionary to a third-world country came to visit, I felt a little bit of God's call. Those people just bless my heart. So when I saw the slideshow of Grenada, I just started to cry. I want to go so bad!

The point of this post is this: if God is calling you to do something, do it. It may be that He wants you to be missionary or doctor or teacher. I still feel like God wants me to be a teacher, but I can do that as a missionary. You will reap more blessings if you do what God is asking you to do. He commands us all to be a missionary (Matthew 28:19), but we don't have to go to a different country to do that. He just tells us to spread the Gospel. Whether it be through teaching, doctoring, or singing. Whatever God wants you to do, do it. Don't do it because I told you or your pastor told you or all your friends are wanting to be missionaries: do it because God wants you to do it.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Learn to Love

Hey! Lately, I have been learning to love others. Last week I talked to my older sister because I was feeling depressed and alone and unloved by almost everyone around me. Including my parents. But I learned that they truly do love me, but they don't know how to show it to me in a way that would make me feel loved. I'm a very feeling-oriented person. If I don't feel loved, then I think to myself, "I must not be loved." Which is not true. And after that day, I learned to love others in ways that I knew how to show loved.
Have you ever heard of a love language? Well, I haven't until recently. Well basically it's our language in which we understand love. My sister put it this way: a family. This family speaks German. They understand each other. Then there's a family in which the mother speaks Chinese, the father speaks Japanese, and the children speak German. The parents speak similar languages, so they can somewhat understand each other but not completely, but the children don't understand the parents and vice versa. Do you get it?
I learned that when I show love to others, I feel loved in return. I can't explain it. But in my prayer journal, I wrote this about what I learned that day I talked to my sister: (btw, I was crying when I wrote this)
I have let go of my depression. I have "Let It Go". I asked God to help me release it, and not have a hold on it as it had a hold on me.
I have learned how to love. I learned that when I don't feel loved, I should give love. I have chosen to love all, and how to love. I didn't know how to before. Now I do.
I have learned that I am loved. No matter unloved I feel, I am loved. And people around me don't know to make me feel loved. And I'm okay.
I have learned that I don't want moments with God to end. Ever. I don't ever want to fell like I've lost that connection (and I do alot).
I have learned about myself. And others. I've learned that when I give love, I feel loved, even it's not from the people I give love to.
I have learned a lot. About love, life, loneliness, and contentment. I will never forget the hour of listening to, praying with, and reading the Bible from [my sister]. God made us sisters because He knew that I wouldn't be able to handle [her] being just a best friend...
And I continue about great my sister is. How she is one of my best friends, and how she is filled with the Spirit of God, and how I want to be like her.

When you don't feel loved, just look to God. OH! And here are the five love languages: gifts, acts of service, words, quality time, and touch. These are the languages that you can understand, that you feel loved when fulfilled. And God presents each one to us.
Gift: eternal life. There is no greater gift from God than His free gift of life.
Acts of service: dying on the cross! There is no better act of His love than His death and resurrection!
Words: the Bible. He wrote an entire Book for us to read! They are His words!
Quality time: when we spend time with Him, whether reading His Word or praying or worshiping. We spend time with Him when we pray, worship, and read His Word.
Touch: He may not touch us physically, but sometimes when we feel really in a moment with God, we can feel His presence next to us. I felt it when I was talking with my sister. And He sends people into our lives that just show Jesus in their lives. As if you can see Him when you see that person, and then that person touches you, whether shaking hands or hugging or patting on the shoulder. That is how God shows His love for us!!!
You don't have feel loved. Just KNOW that you are! By me, my God, and even people who you might think who don't. If you feel depressed or angry or alone, YOU. ARE. LOVED!!!!

So I would like to dedicate this post to my sister. She showed me what love is, how to show it and give it, and that I don't have to feel loved to know and believe that I am.