Thursday, April 23, 2015

Decisions

I really don't know what to title this post today. So many things happened just made me want to give up.
So for starters, Lena was annoying me. Like all big sisters do. But twice I threatened to flip a finger at her. I'm sorry!!! I apologize to all of you!! I am very secular and I know it's not right. I'm trying to fix that as of today. I'll talk more later.
Then when we got home (cuz I had music lessons today), I had an argument with my mom. I cried like no one's business. I explained to my best friend that I just couldn't handle all the responsibility my mom put on me now that Lena is working. I have all these chores, and I'm thinking a lot, and struggling. It's exhausting right now. And as was talking to my best friend, I realized I was a hypocrite. I was lying to y'all!!!! I'd tell y'all that I love everyone no matter what, but that just wasn't true for me then. I seriously thought I didn't love my family, because I did not love them the way the Bible says I should (1 Corinthians 13).
I just wanted to give up. On everything. I was depressed. I wasn't right with God, I had hate in my heart and it was starting to show. I had been begging God to remove hate and anger and replace it with love and patience, but I was still having trouble acting out in love and having patience. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I almost gave up completely. My life fell apart, but came back together in one day.
But my best friend, what a great friend!, encouraged me. She told me I was just human, that I couldn't have perfect love, only God could, and she helped me figure out that it was my music choices!
I have been listening to secular music for several weeks (more like months), and it was starting to influence my thinking and behavior. Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Meghan Trainor, etc. So I decided two things today:
1. I would delete all secular music, unless it left positive thoughts in my head. Lots of songs I listened to did that. But I kept songs that left virtues in my head. Forgiveness, sentimentality, love.
2. I wouldn't ever give up. I've been thinking about stopping piano lessons because my teacher isn't the kind of teacher I preferred and I didn't feel like he was challenging me. But I'm not gonna give up just because of those reasons. I wouldn't give up on my life, my walk with Christ, or anything for that matter. Unless it didn't glorify God.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

He Knows My Name

In this post, I'm going to go more into depth of my theme song, He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli. More like the bridge: "He calls me chosen, freed, forgiven, wanted, child of the King, His forever, held, and treasured."
So here's my in-depth perspective of this song
Chosen -- God knew ahead of time that I would be His, that I would make mistakes and sin, but He loves me and will always love me. He chooses to not look at my sin, to love me as I am, and He chose to die for me. I have chosen to follow Him and have accepted Him as my Savior. And he chose you when he died on the cross.
Freed -- When we choose to accept Christ as our Savior, he frees us from guilt, shame, sin, and Satan's power. Now I admit I don't always behave like I'm freed. Especially from my past. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a slave to that sin, that it controls me. I only let it control me. But I don't have to let it, because Christ defeated that sin along with every other sin when he died on that cross two thousand years ago. He freed me, it's about time I behave like it. Do you have trouble behaving like a Christian? Freed from sin and shame?
Forgiven -- Ah yes. Forgiven. I am. He forgave ALL of my sins before I was even born, because he died two thousand years before I was conceived. He forgave me long ago. But it's not His forgiveness I struggle with. It's my own. Daily I am reminded of what I've done, and I have a hard time forgiving myself. But on my mirror in my bedroom I put a sticky note saying,  "forgive and forget." Of course I won't be able to forget physically, but I can forget spiritually. I don't have to be reminded of my past cuz I'm the one who's reminding myself of it. A sign that I truly haven't forgiven myself. You may think, "no wonder you're reminded! You have a sticky note on your mirror that you look at every day!" Yep I am. But when I remind myself when what I've done, it's negative; when Christ reminds me of what he's done, it's positive. That's why I have that sticky note on my mirror.
Wanted -- This is a huge thing for me! I often feel unwanted or unloved by friends and family around me. But I remind myself that I am by listening to "Wanted" by Dara Maclean, He Knows My Name, "Try" by Colbie Caillat, and "Little Toy Guns" by Carrie Underwood. Those are a few of my favorite songs. I am loved. By Jesus, most importantly, my family and my friends. Jesus loves you too.
Child of the King -- The instant we choose Christ in our lives, we become his children. And a father loves his children. I just talked about being loved by God. God is my Father. The Perfect Father. Thus His Forever.
Held -- When we go through tough times, God walks us through it. He holds us. It's like that poem "Footprints in the Sand". "My dear child, I would never leave you. When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." You are never alone.
Treasured -- the Bible says in 1 Peter 2:9 that we are a "peculiar people". The word"peculiar means "unusual, uncommon". Treasure is not normal or common. So we are treasured. We are made peculiar. And also when people treasure something, they cherish it, love it. We are loved!

I'm sorry if this post and other posts kinda seem like they are about me cuz all I say is "I'm this way, I'm that way." But what I'm trying to do is getting you to know me, so that I may give you ideas on how to deal with things biblically. I'm trying to help y'all by telling you about myself, so that if you ever do have to deal with things that I do (depression, unwantedness, insecurity, pasts, etc) you'll know ahead of time, or you'll think of something else. I'm only trying to help y'all. I love you!!!  Btw I'm thinking about changing the name of the name of the blog, so I need some suggestions.