Thursday, April 23, 2015

Decisions

I really don't know what to title this post today. So many things happened just made me want to give up.
So for starters, Lena was annoying me. Like all big sisters do. But twice I threatened to flip a finger at her. I'm sorry!!! I apologize to all of you!! I am very secular and I know it's not right. I'm trying to fix that as of today. I'll talk more later.
Then when we got home (cuz I had music lessons today), I had an argument with my mom. I cried like no one's business. I explained to my best friend that I just couldn't handle all the responsibility my mom put on me now that Lena is working. I have all these chores, and I'm thinking a lot, and struggling. It's exhausting right now. And as was talking to my best friend, I realized I was a hypocrite. I was lying to y'all!!!! I'd tell y'all that I love everyone no matter what, but that just wasn't true for me then. I seriously thought I didn't love my family, because I did not love them the way the Bible says I should (1 Corinthians 13).
I just wanted to give up. On everything. I was depressed. I wasn't right with God, I had hate in my heart and it was starting to show. I had been begging God to remove hate and anger and replace it with love and patience, but I was still having trouble acting out in love and having patience. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I almost gave up completely. My life fell apart, but came back together in one day.
But my best friend, what a great friend!, encouraged me. She told me I was just human, that I couldn't have perfect love, only God could, and she helped me figure out that it was my music choices!
I have been listening to secular music for several weeks (more like months), and it was starting to influence my thinking and behavior. Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Meghan Trainor, etc. So I decided two things today:
1. I would delete all secular music, unless it left positive thoughts in my head. Lots of songs I listened to did that. But I kept songs that left virtues in my head. Forgiveness, sentimentality, love.
2. I wouldn't ever give up. I've been thinking about stopping piano lessons because my teacher isn't the kind of teacher I preferred and I didn't feel like he was challenging me. But I'm not gonna give up just because of those reasons. I wouldn't give up on my life, my walk with Christ, or anything for that matter. Unless it didn't glorify God.

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