Lately, God has been revealing a lot to me about myself. And there are things that are just shocking. Like it's as if I didn't ever know they were there. Since life happened, I've been seeking God more. As I seek more and more, more things I'm convicted of. Like, obsessions. Like, Once Upon A Time, Taylor Swift, TV (in general), and just different things. Every day, when I've remembered to pray, I've just been begging God to remove my distractions from me. I know they are there, but they just don't go away. That means I have to do something about it.
For the past month, I've been reading Refresh Your Heart by Claudia Barba. It's the second time reading it. I last read it 3 years ago. Since then I've fallen away from God, and I've had to renew my relationship with Him. Refresh Your Heart is an excellent book; but I'm not here to review this book. It's been a useful tool in revealing some things in my life that HAVE to go. Last time I read this, I don't think I took notes; but this time I am. In my prayer journal, so that when I write things in it, I'll see what I wrote from this book and pray. I haven't been reading it "regularly". I read it whenever I remember. And sometimes that's every week or two. But I haven't forgotten what I've learned because I've written them down in a notebook.
Anyway, my point is, when God is convicting you of something, respond gracefully and repent. Repent doesn't mean crying or just being really sorry, the word repent means "a change of mind." Repent of your sins -- change your mind about your sins.
But of the things that God has been convicting me of are these: praying, forgiving, and speaking kind words.
You know, I knew I wasn't praying much. And it was because I didn't know how to pray, that I pray the same thing every time. I would pray for the same people, for their problems, for the same things. I would pray for my problems, the same things. I would confess my sins. And I still pray the same things, but it's different somehow. I still don't know how to pray, but I still do it, cuz it's what God wants. And it's different because I'm trying.
And I also thought I was the most forgiving person, besides Jesus, in the world. But I'm not. But when I read the chapter about a forgiving heart in Refresh Your Heart, I realized there were many people who had wronged me. Maybe not directly, but still. Politicians, for example. They are ruining our country by giving other people rights, thus taking away Christians rights. And slowly taking away freedom of speech. Then when June 26 happened, I got really angry. And forever I was not forgiving and loving as I should have been.
Then today, I was reading the chapter about having a heart that spoke kind words. God really convicted me in this chapter. Cuz I spoke unkind words to my sister, mom, and about politicians and people who I didn't like. But I spoke nicely to my best friends. I was a fountain producing both bad and good water. I was bitter and sweet. Which is wrong. My heart is full of sin. My mouth was full of poison and spitting it on people who didn't treat me right. One of the verses that really got to me, one I had memorized years ago in help with my devotions, was Psalm 19:14.
Psalm 19:14 - "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer."
Respond to God and repent. Otherwise, you'll live a miserable life just I did.