Tuesday, November 3, 2015

So many things

Sorry I haven't written in a while. God's been teaching me a lot lately. Like a lot.

  1. So, last month we had revival services at my church. That week, God taught me a lot about prayer: that we should pray for His glory, that we should pray for His Name to be glorified, that His kingdom be spread, that His Will be done. Lots about prayer. Sometimes I feel like I can't pray. Like I want to, but I'm not able to. As if, a mute button was pressed on my praying. And I didn't know why. But God revealed to me that I had sin in my life that wasn't taken care of. Sin keeps us from doing what God wants us to, like praying and spreading the Gospel. And now, as I do my devotions, I still want to pray, but I don't. And that's my sin: knowing I should, but still not doing it. God has revealed a lot about prayer.
  2. God has been showing me about myself too. Who I should be and what should be doing. 
  3. You all know I have a past that I'm not proud of. Well, a lot lately, I have been struggling with something related to it. And this giant in my life I can't seem to get rid of. And then God convicts me of it, and then I confess it and "repent" it. And then I'm good for a few weeks. Then it tempts me, and I give in again. And the cycle continues. (The temptation comes when I'm busy doing something, like school or devotions, so it distracts me.) But last Wednesday, I did it again. And I ended on my bedroom floor, in fetal position, bawling my eyes out. I was so convicted. Since then I have been tempted, but I haven't given in because I start reciting verses to myself and singing hymns. And I begin to think, Why didn't I do this in the beginning?! Since I repented, my prayer life has been better. I can't explain it. It's like God has awakened me again. And it's amazing. Yes, I don't pray as often as I should, but I pray more often than when I was in that sin. And God has been changing my life. Usually I don't like talking to people about this, cuz then I start to think about it and I fall back, but I've found lately that talking about it makes it easier to deal with cuz I know people will pray for me and also relate to me. And it's amazing what God is doing!
  4. I have been feeling God's call for me to be a missionary. I mean, I felt that God called me in February, but lately there have been missionaries visiting my church and I feel the call beckoning me more and more. So I've been looking for opportunities to go somewhere, like missions trips and working at camps. And next year, I have an opportunity to work at a camp in northern Wisconsin. But my parents are still thinking about it, cuz the camp is 9 hours north of us. So we really have to think and pray about it.
Well, four things may not be a lot, but it's a lot for me! And they're big things in my life that are going to change me! And it's been hurting a little cuz of things that going to be change and nobody likes change; but it's still so amazing!!!!!

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